Subtext – who am I kidding?
Everyone is a masseur. Every 2nd guy has his own massage “style” – call it whatever you want – and it seems to be a way to get money, and also a way to meet women. Pick and choose your clients… have an open day… have beautiful women pay for you to massage them, basic, or hard, tantric or even intimate.. and well maybe.. continue “off the clock”. Or even going full hog and having women pay to .. have .. hmm… wait a second…
[having women pay to have a sexual experience with me… would basically make me a dressed up male prostitute.. even if I was selecting the “guests”… hmm. And would that actually bother me? .. um… well… maybe yes… but why… being just a .. hmm.. nope.. that’s not it – I’d in part enjoy if woman just came to me for that.. but.. … but this is another topic.. or post or… a bit more digging into my psyche later…]
So.. Is that a sneaky way to meet women? Is that “cheating”? Life Hacking? YES! NO!… not if everyone is good with it I guess… but it still bothers me….meeting someone that way – ok maybe, but not as the goal….that feels.. manipulative maybe? Or does it just make me twitch because somehow deep inside I feel I’m missing out because I don’t have the gumption? Hmm. In any case would anyone pay for a massage from me? what do others do that I don’t? Do they have some special capacity? nope… I’ve had extremely positive feedback from all the massages I’ve given – tantric, intimate, yoni, back/neck sport massages… but I don’t have a piece of paper that says I am trained in XY.. Does it matter? to them? to me? maybe it matters more to me.. since I’m more likely to just go with the flow… set the boundaries, the type of touch and contact, areas of the body, and then go with the flow.
Thinking of practicalities – would need a massage bed (fold-able, transportable) and more importantly a place.. and time. say 2 days a week, 2-3 appointments.
Wow.. even just writing this makes my stomach knot up – why? Am I afraid of being rejected? of not being able to provide the service I would like to? Afraid of criticism taking away my enjoyment of giving the massage? Afraid of putting myself out there? all of the above? Or is there something else? Sit with it for a minute. Offer BDSM connected massages too? that could be interesting.. add spanking, pinching to the menu.. a bit of shibari – tie arms and legs down/out/together for the massage? hmmmm… no humiliation.. that doesn’t fit me though…. Clear differentiation in offerings, with boundaries discussed and set – and held to – for each encounter feels better to me – a consensual container.
The Garuda massage and experience menu…
- wellness, relaxing massage (1/2 hr) – 8000
- tantric massage (1 hr) – 10000
- yoni massage (1.5-2 hr) – 12000
- spice it up (1-2 hours) – 15000
- boundaries massage…. open field, play and experience (2 hours)
- cuddling – just intimacy and holding – (1/2 hr)
- dearmouring… I want to study that..
If I offer for free, then noone will come, but if free for an “open week”, then charging? or free first session? or.. hmmm… What remaining part of my devastated comfort zone is putting up resistance to this… Even the thought of hitting PUBLISH here and opening myself up to the snickers and howls of laughter is.. aha. Not fear of rejection, but rather a fear of being ridiculed and belittled – “who would go to you?? hahaha”. Hmm.. ok…. that popped up. *sigh*… another thing to work with 🙂
Interestingly enough – not to do with massage here, but I think that I could go into the sadistic side too… biting, pain…. knowing that that gives the other pleasure in the end, and not an innocent, non-consensual victim, but all part of the game.. I’m pretty sure that I could bite like a champion, whip, beat, flog, pinch… I can remember a host of times where I’ve had to pull my mouth off a nibble before it became a crunch.. and let my teeth clack together just out of reach of a neck, breast, thigh…… The thought of letting them close on flesh…
and biting down hard…
feeling the squish and crunch between my teeth..
and a muffled,or full- throated cry of pain….
is…. strangely… exciting…
Oh boy… here we go again…
Better Off Not Spoken 