Can I join you?

Well... that was interesting. I found another damn shadow pattern in me that I had absolutely no idea existed. At the recent ISTA Level 1 training in Austria, I had done the aspecting exercise with my mother's unwillingness to take up space - to be a bother, or to interfere in my "busy" life. Been …

Just an old dream..

Just found this quick note about a dream I had a couple years ago. I had completely forgotten about it, but still ... what a lot packed into it 😀 I'm supposed to be giving a presentation IT based... sowething to do with web methods and rest api and the latest tech. I'm feeling like …

Musings On Being a Human Doing.

I recently managed to catch the tail of something in my psyche - the feeling that I have to always be more than I was before to be noticed. It seemed initialyy to be a superficial thing along the lines of perfectionism etc etc... but then it went deeper. I realized that this also applies …

So *THAT’s* the trich to it?

I've been pulling my eyebrows for about as long as I can remember. Actually, that's not quite true, since I use to just caress and stroke them which was a nice feeling, but left me with a slightly bald patch. Things took a turn for the worse in university when the patch grew larger and …

Spritual Capitalism

Just rambling a bit here : I often get feel that the whole spirituality and tantra and self-development and woo-woo business is just that - a business. A business that feeds off of making people feel like they just aren't good enough. Not spiritual enough, not sexy enough, not "advanced" enough. Just come to *our* …

Meta Musings

I wish I could read all my notes. What remains from the experience is the follows: Dancing, Moving, Feeling between the realms of void, spirit and body, I felt that Void IS. everywhere. Spirit is energy.Void is possibility, potential. Spirit is energy as an expression of the potiential of void, and timeless.Body is the expression/embodiment …

It really isn’t all about me

I have discovered that if I don't write about something when it is present in me, then the few words I make a note of - to show what I want to write about - just don't resonate with me, or even better, I can't even figure out what I wanted to think about. Experiences …

Catch 22

It's always so much fun to catch a subconscious pattern and suddenly see what I have been doing to sabotage myself. By fun, I mean not so much fun, rather cringe-worthy, painful and "oh geez, why didn't I see this before"-ish. Right now I am heavier than I have been in my entire life. 95.3kg. …

Who needs enemies with Freuds like these

I can't do it. I can't go to drawing class. I feel like a complete and utter failure, a disaster. I just can't catch up on the homework and I feel unprepared, useless and like a waste of space and the teachers' energy. I tried to do the homework. I thought I could do it …

Family dynamics

I live with my daughter and that's great. Expect for the part where I don't get to have a life because she won't let me have women over and wants me to die alone. Not so great. That's underneath there in my mind, my fears and frustrations speaking - not so much related to reality. …